It's funny because when my husband was alive, we really didn't celebrate romantic holidays. Yeah, we'd get each other a card but that was usually the extent of it. For some reason, all the upcoming Valentine's festivities are really bothering me. Another reminder that I don't have him anymore and never will again. Not that I really need that reminder...
I'm in a weird place again where I don't want to be alone but am afraid to move on. Six months ago was a very different story for me. I was more than ready to move on, even had a great man in mind but it didn't go anywhere. Why was I ready and now I'm scared again? Is it because that perspective didn't go anywhere? Am I having a pity party? Is it because everyone around me is spending Valentines' with the one they love and I'm spending yet another holiday without my husband?
The last couple of weeks have been really bad for me...I can't sleep, I'm not eating good, most days' I just don't feel like doing aything. Yeah, the books call this depression...I didn't say I couldn't function, I said I don't want to! Why do I keep going through these repetitive phases of grief? I haven't cried in months over my husband and now the last 2 days, I cry at the drop of a hat. Is it the upcoming "romantic" holiday? I don't know...but that's what I'm blaming it on!
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